|"Treat all others as you would like to be treated yourself."
The Golden Rule has proved its excellence as a moral guide since ancient times. Greek and Jewish
thinkers, Confucius, Jesus, and other teachers of ethics all taught this rule, which is called
"golden" to indicate its revered place as the ultimate rule of life. What better teaching can we
utilize in our day-to-day approach to parenting? A variation of the Golden Rule for parents would be
"Treat your child as you would like to be treated if you were in the same position."
It might be illuminating to apply this "Parenting Golden Rule" to several common methods of
discipline, by considering the case of a husband and wife in the "same position" as that of
children being disciplined in various ways.
1. Physical punishment
The wife accidentally spills coffee on her husband's new jacket. He hits her.
Will the wife be more careful with his belongings in the future? Or might she have him arrested for
The husband starts to argue with a visiting friend. The wife tells him "It's not nice to argue
with your friend! I won't have this! Go sit in the bedroom for half an hour!"
Will the husband become less argumentative? Will the embarrassment of the situation set him straight?
Will he feel like apologizing to his friend?
The wife is out driving, forgets to fill the tank, and runs out of gas. She phones her husband to ask
him to take his car to buy some gas and bring it to her. He refuses, explaining that she has to learn from
"natural consequences" to be more responsible.
The next time the tank is low, will the wife remember to get it filled? Or will she be too preoccupied
with fantasies of divorce to think about less important matters like car maintenance?
The wife reminds her husband, who is reading the newspaper after dinner, that it's his turn to do the
dishes. He murmurs, "Mm hmm," and keeps on reading. The wife says, firmly "You have to do
the dishes now! 10-9-8-7..."
Will the husband then feel like cooperating with his wife? Or will he conclude that he's married a
lunatic? And would he feel the least bit loved?
All of these disciplinary methods look ridiculous when viewed in this way. But the reason for this is
that our society at some point decided that children and adults respond to others according to different
principles of behavior. This has been a very harmful mistake. The truth is that children, like adults, feel
most like cooperating with those who treat them with kindness, respect, understanding, and dignity. The only
"method" that makes sense in a humane relationship - whether with a child or an adult - is
In our society, we have been asking the wrong question. We have asked, "Which set of rules work with
children, and which set works with adults?" The reality is, happily, far simpler: all humans behave as
well as they are treated. Age makes no difference.
Parents wanting to help their children grow to be loving and responsible adults can do no better than to
remember the Parenting Golden Rule: "Treat your child as you would like to be treated if you were in
the same position." It's simple, straightforward, and effective. And we don't need to spend any time
finding out what age someone is before consulting this rule. One size fits all.