|
Somewhere along the way the idea emerged that
babyhood ends with the beginning of walking and talking, and that
with proper parental management, babyhood can end rather abruptly on
the child's first birthday. Instead of standing in proper awe of the
accomplishments that babies make around the beginning of their
second year, we added demands for more. In addition to the big
changes from crawling to walking and from body language and crying
to talking, we also insisted that they be toilet-trained, sleep all
night by themselves, and leave the bric-a-brac alone. It is little
wonder that it is at this stressful age that our children are most
likely to develop some attachment to inanimate objects. Such
attachments are not harmful,1 but
sometimes inconvenient and often a sign of stress.
If we stop to examine a one-year-old child,
the absurdity of some adult demands on them seems obvious. They are
what someone has described as "babies on wheels," still
infants, but mobile and therefore quite vulnerable. Their little
foreheads remain babyishly high and broad; their legs are short and
often still bowed, and they continue to have infants' round little
bellies. The diapers or pants that stayed on pretty well while they
were prone tend to fall victim to gravity now that they are
vertical. They look like babies and act like babies. They will be
three or four before their bodies and faces have stretched out into
the shapes and proportions of childhood. The appearance of these
mobile little people still makes us feel we are dealing with babies,
and unless we are talked out of it by "experts," we will
respond to them in a way appropriate to the care of babies for as
long as their babyish appearance and mannerisms continue.
Nursing a child in his second year seems a
reasonable way to help meet some of his continuing baby needs. How
long he will nurse, how often, etc., is unpredictable. Some little
ones this age are too busy with exploring to be bothered with much
nursing. Some are happier to eat the family's food and nurse only to
go to sleep or when they are hurt. Some even wean during the second
year.
Frequent Nursing
By far the most usual behavior for a child in
the second year, however, is to nurse a lot. According to a study
done in an area of New Guinea where extended nursing was the norm,
nursing continued at frequent enough intervals for mothers to
continue producing 20 ounces of milk daily into the third year.2 One researcher who recommends advising
mothers to start solids gradually, starting at about six months,
says to expect frequent nursing to continue. "The child should
continue breastfeeding just as often during the second year, but
offer solid foods a few times a day."3
A child who may have nursed less frequently
near the end of her first year will often surprise her mother by
going back to nursing almost like a newborn at times during the
second year. Countless mothers have described this pattern to me,
and it was observed among healthy children of nomadic Turkana
pastoralists in Africa.4 Mothers
would be less distressed by their toddlers' seemingly constant needs
to nurse if they were aware of how common frequent nursing is at
this time of life. You need to be prepared for such needs and know
they are normal and temporary. In fact, the first half of the second
year may be one of the most intense nursing periods and the one in
which children react most strongly to weaning.5
As children begin to walk and explore, they
meet all kinds of new, unfamiliar situations. They become frightened
by things that are new to them that we may never dream are
frightening. They overextend themselves in their efforts to master
new skills, even though we adults may not be aware that they are
"working." All that babbling or patting or digging or
running around is serious work in the business of mastering a new
and expanding world.
Some children handle their work with ease,
pace themselves, and cope well with their inevitable frustrations
right from the beginning. Most are much more easily distressed and
disoriented, especially when facing a new task like walking, and
tend to venture too far and get hurt easily.
This busy time of life is wearing on mothers
as well as on children. You may come to appreciate your child's time
at the breast as did the mother who wrote, "Nursing gives me a
break from having to be constantly monitoring his latest activity,
which is usually more daring than he realizes." Rapidly
learning toddlers have urgent and frequent needs for reassurance and
encouragement that they are progressing well and that it is safe and
worthwhile for them to try something again.
The child who needs a lot of nursing is just
as likely to grow up emotionally stable and capable as is the child
whose needs seem less overwhelming. Each child grows at his own rate
emotionally just as he does physically and intellectually. Nor do we
as parents have much to say about what kind of child we will have at
this age. We can minimize a child's anxiety level by meeting her
needs as fully as possible from birth on. But how much intense
parenting she needs, possibly including frequent nursing, in the
second year depends for the most part on her inborn timetable. As
parents we can slow down emotional growth by leaving needs unmet,
but there is little we can do to speed it up. There is no hurry, and
your investment in your toddler who seems to be "always
attached" will pay off when the time for independence does
come.
|
