The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart
by Jan Hunt
Review by Andrea Sutton The NNNetworker A Semiannual Publication of the Nurture by Nature Network Winter 2002-2003 Volume I, Issue I
No one would expect an adult who is patronized, bullied, ignored,
threatened, humiliated or harassed to be a happy, cooperative,
good-natured and productive individual. Why, then, do so many people
expect threats, punishment, and false praise to bring about good
behavior in children? And furthermore, why are so many parents so
focused on "good behavior" in the short term rather than
on raising happy, confident, well-adjusted children into adulthood?
In her passionate and poignant book, The Natural Child: Parenting
from the Heart, Jan Hunt repeats this simple dictum often enough for
it to become something of a mantra: "All children behave as
well as they are treated". As mantras go, it's a pretty good
one. It serves as an excellent reminder for the harried, outnumbered
mother when a meltdown (hers or her child's) is imminent. It's also
a bracing dose of truth for parents who have never questioned the
conventional wisdom in which child rearing in our culture is mired.
Hunt is the director of the Natural Child Project and a member of
the boards of directors of the Canadian Society for the Prevention
of Cruelty to Children and The Alliance for Transforming the Lives
of Children, and has a 20-year-old son, Jason. This collection of
essays, many of which previously appeared in the Canadian
publication Natural Life or the Natural Child Project website, is a
marvelously validating read for anyone who has been accused of
"spoiling" his or her children by responding to their
cries too quickly or too frequently, eschewing punishments in favor
of creative conflict resolution, or simply allowing their children
to be heard as well as seen.
Despite her own distinguished credentials, Hunt doesn't just give
her opinions on parenting, she presents a grounded, well-researched
case for a return to the age-old methods of parenting now called
"empathic" or "attachment" style. Citing sources
that range from anthropologist Jean Liedloff and pediatrician Dr.
William Sears to the Book of Corinthians and the European Charter of
Children's Rights, Hunt addresses the challenges of raising children
with respect and compassion in a society where childhood is often
viewed as a noisome aberration that must be quelled at all costs.
The book contains several of Hunt's more well-known essays,
including "A Baby Cries: How Should Parents Respond?";
"Ten Reasons to Respond to a Crying Child"; and a personal
favorite of mine, "Ten Ways We Misunderstand Children".
Hunt is at her best in the latter, writing simply and eloquently of
parents' unrealistic expectations and demands and of the hurtful
result of criticism and mistrust. "We forget what it was like
to be a child and expect our children to act like adults instead of
acting their age," she writes. "A healthy child will have
a short attention span, and be rambunctious, noisy, and emotionally
expressive. All of these so-called problems ... are in fact normal
attributes of a normal child." It's the kind of essay that you
want to post in every pediatrician's office, portrait studio, toy
store, mommy-and-me classroom and anywhere else young children are
fidgeting.
Hunt tries, in essays such as "Ten Tips for Shopping With
Children", "Ten Alternatives to Punishment", and
"Intervening on Behalf of a Child in a Public Place" to
give some concrete advice for meeting the daily challenges of
supermarkets, playgrounds, and sibling rivalries. There are some
helpful alternatives to the ideas found in mainstream parenting
magazines, but Hunt is more likely to win converts to her way of
thinking and acting through her "Confessions of a Proud
Mom". "My son is 15," she writes, "and has
brought me nothing but joy." She then admits that she "did
everything we were told by society not to do. He slept next to us,
breast-fed for several years, was never punished, threatened,
bullied, or teased, and was allowed to express anger as well as
happiness". Hunt packs one compact paragraph with outstanding,
off-the-beaten-path sources for parenting information and this
excellent advice: "Listen to what your heart tells you. Truly
believe that your baby will let you know what is right... and what
is wrong." The Natural Child is refreshing, well written and
full of important insight about parenthood and childhood. It's the
kind of book that makes you think how different the world would be
if everyone read it. |