Untold millions of people who have been in attendance when babies
are born (doctors, midwives, nurses, family members) have taken it for
granted that the newborn will cry out of physical necessity.
Amazingly enough, they did not perceive the obvious fact that the face
distorted with pain and the little creature's cries were nothing other
than the expression of psychic distress. Frédérick Leboyer was the
first to ask the long overdue question of how babies must feel when,
after an often difficult struggle for survival, they are lifted up by
their feet and submitted to brutal routine procedures instead of being
comforted. He proved that if the newborns are treated with great care,
in keeping with their psychic state, they are able to smile just
minutes after being born and do not cry. It actually is in the way the
newborns have been treated, until very recently, that society makes
the first of its many contributions toward equipping a person with
destructive and self-destructive tendencies.
The contrast between the pain-wracked and the smiling faces of
newborns is all it takes for me to realize with horror what we have
done to our children out of insensitivity and lack of awareness. Yet
this contrast is also all it takes to awaken in me the hope that
someday in the future, we will be able to do away with the unwanted
seeds of violence.
If battered children such as Hitler, Eichmann, Höss, etc. were and
are able to destroy human life on the monumental scale history clearly
indicates they did, then it is only logical to ask how beneficial an
influence children who are not battered or abused can have on the
world when they grow up.
The Twelve Points (This section is
also availble in French and
For some years now there has been proof that the devastating
effects of the traumatization of children take their inevitable toll
on society. This knowledge concerns every single one of us, and - if
disseminated widely enough - should lead to fundamental changes in
society, above all to a halt in the blind escalation of violence. The
following points are intended to amplify my meaning:
1. All children are born to grow, to develop, to live, to
love, and to articulate their needs and feelings for their
2. For their development, children need the respect and
protection of adults who take them seriously, love them, and honestly
help them to become oriented in the world.
3. When these vital needs are frustrated, and children are
instead abused for the sake of adults' needs by being exploited,
beaten, punished, taken advantage of, manipulated, neglected, or
deceived without the intervention of any witness, then their integrity
will be lastingly impaired.
4. The normal reactions to such injury should be anger and
pain; since children in this hurtful kind of environment, however, are
forbidden to express their anger, and since it would be unbearable to
experience their pain all alone, they are compelled to suppress their
feelings, repress all memory of the trauma, and idealize those guilty
of the abuse. Later they will have no memory of what was done to them.
5. Disassociated from the original cause, their feelings of
anger, helplessness, despair, longing, anxiety, and pain will find
expression in destructive acts against others (criminal behavior, mass
murder) or against themselves (drug addiction, alcoholism,
prostitution, psychic disorders, suicide).
6. If these people become parents, they will then often
direct acts of revenge for their mistreatment in childhood against
their own children, whom they use as scapegoats. Child abuse is still
sanctioned - indeed, held in high regard - in our society as long as
it is defined as child-rearing. It is a tragic fact that parents beat
their children in order to escape the emotions stemming from how they
were treated by their own parents.
7. If mistreated children are not to become criminals or
mentally ill, it is essential that at least once in their life they
come in contact with a person who knows without any doubt that the
environment, not the helpless, battered child, is at fault. In this
regard, knowledge or ignorance on the part of society can be
instrumental in either saving or destroying a life. Here lies the
great opportunity for relatives, social workers, therapists, teachers,
doctors, psychiatrists, officials, nurses, and bystanders to support
the child and to believe her or him.
8. Until now, society has protected the adult and blamed the
victim. It has been abetted in its blindness by theories, still in
keeping with the pedagogical principles of our great-grandparents,
according to which children are viewed as crafty creatures, dominated
by wicked drives, who invent stories and attack their innocent parents
or desire them sexually. In reality, children tend to blame themselves
for their parents' cruelty and to absolve the parents, whom they
invariably love, of all responsibility.
9. For some years now, it has been possible to prove, thanks
to the use of new therapeutic methods, that repressed traumatic
experiences in childhood are stored up in the body and, although
remaining unconscious, exert their influence even in adulthood. In
addition, electronic testing of the fetus has revealed a fact
previously unknown to most adults - a child responds to and learns
both tenderness and cruelty from the very beginning.
10. In the light of this new knowledge, even the most absurd
behavior reveals its formerly hidden logic once the traumatic
experiences of childhood no longer must remain shrouded in darkness.
11. Our sensitization to the cruelty with which children are
treated, until now commonly denied, and to the consequences of such
treatment, will as a matter of course bring to an end the perpetuation
of violence from generation to generation.
12. People whose integrity has not been damaged in
childhood, who were protected, respected, and treated with honesty by
their parents, will be - both in their youth and adulthood -
intelligent, responsive, empathic, and highly sensitive. They will
take pleasure in life and will not feel any need to kill or even hurt
others or themselves. They will use their power to defend themselves,
but not to attack others. They will not be able to do otherwise than
to respect and protect those weaker than themselves, including their
children, because this is what they have learned from their own
experience and because it is this knowledge (and not the experience of
cruelty) that has been stored up inside them from the beginning. Such
people will be incapable of understanding why earlier generations had
to build up a gigantic war industry in order to feel at ease and safe
in this world. Since it will not have to be their unconscious life
task to ward off intimidation experienced at a very early age, they
will be able to deal with attempts at intimidation in their adult life
more rationally and more creatively.