When does the connection of
parent and child begin? Is it at birth, or is it some time during
pregnancy, when the first fluttery kicks announce the baby's
presence? Does it begin at the moment of conception - or perhaps
even earlier? Experiences of pre-birth communication reveal that
we may be in touch with our future children long before there is
any physical link at all. Many parents describe a one-time
contact, an unforgettable glimpse of the person to come. Others
enjoy a series of "visits" that allow them to get
acquainted with their child even before conception. Renee's story
involves this kind of courting relationship. She shared it with me
when her daughter was close to a year old.
"My dreams about my daughter started about one year before
we conceived her. My husband and I weren't trying hard to have a
baby, but thought that if it happened it was meant to be. I
remember going to bed one night wondering to myself when I would
become a mother. That night, I had a dream that seemed to last all
night long. I was talking to a little girl in the dream. We were
just light and carefree and chatting about anything and
everything. I woke up remembering the dream vividly and feeling
"Over the course of the next year, I would have a dream
like this at least once a month, sometimes more often than that.
We'd spend hours playing and laughing and enjoying each other. For
a while I didn't know her name or even that she was the child I
would give birth to. I finally asked her if she was my daughter
and she said 'yes.' I asked her when I would get to meet her in
the flesh and she said 'soon.'
"Work got extremely busy the next summer and I was working
what seemed like around the clock. Just as the hard push was over
at work, I was talking to my girlfriend's daughter Rachael, who
was five years old. All of a sudden, she said to me, 'Renee,
you're pregnant!' and got so excited for me. I didn't take her
seriously at that time, I didn't think it was possible. Since I
had been working so hard and was so worn out, I hadn't noticed
that my dreams of the little girl had stopped. Sure enough, a week
or two later, I found out that I was pregnant! When Rachael told
me I was pregnant, I was five weeks along."
Renee's experience is a beautiful example of pre-birth
communication, while Rachael's perception of her pregnancy
illustrates one of the little-recognized abilities of children.
Though we adults may have some difficulty tuning in to the
presence of unborn souls, young children have no such trouble. It
is quite common for them to be aware of siblings on the way,
without being told. In the event of miscarriage, it often happens
that children know when a soul has departed, even before the
mother is aware of the impending loss.
In the course of research over the past twenty years, I have
learned that experiences of Pre-Birth Communication come most
often to mothers or mothers-to-be, but also to fathers,
grandparents, adoptive parents, other family members, friends, and
even birth attendants. They come in dreams and visions, as an
inner voice, often as a hovering presence or a profound sense of
knowing. Some are subtle and easy to overlook - an unusual mood, a
sudden inspiration, a poem spilling itself into the heart.
My own experience was the subtle kind. It happened over and
over during the months before I conceived my daughter. At the edge
of sleep, I would feel as though I had just caught sight of the
dearest person in the world. It was like a little fountain of joy
springing up in my heart. But who was this person I already loved
so much? The feeling of it didn't seem to match anyone I knew. I
like to think it was my soon-to-be daughter, coming close enough
for me to catch an impression of her - but of course I cannot know
for sure. Many experiences are far more dramatic. Claire was
unaware that she was in the early stages of pregnancy when she
received a visit. She relates: "One afternoon I lay down for
a nap... I tossed despite my fatigue until I was in a strange
state of consciousness that is neither awake nor asleep, but which
bears the earmarks of both. Then I saw her.
"She was at the foot of the bed - patient, not trying to
catch my attention. She was perhaps three years old, simply
dressed, with long dark hair and a quiet look on her face. She
climbed gracefully on the footboard, as though the move was
choreographed. She began to crawl toward me, one hand, then the
other. Perhaps she grew smaller, or became translucent, I do not
know. She reached my legs and kept moving until she faded to
become part of my own body. She was inside me."
Claire went on to have a baby girl, who grew to have long dark
hair and the body of a dancer. She recalls, "I knew her the
moment she popped out. We both just smiled."
I have been privileged to receive hundreds of such remarkable
stories, and to share them in hopes of raising our awareness of
these exciting possibilities. We can communicate with our children
before birth and even before conception. The evidence of pre-birth
communication suggests that children come to us as conscious
beings, with purposes and plans and even some power to help us in
our own life struggles. If we needed a reason to respect children
rather than belittling them, this view of their soul nature
Nor is this view an airy fantasy lacking research support.
According to Jenny Wade, Ph.D., "The data strongly suggest
that two sources of consciousness exist: One state of
consciousness that is tied to the physiological development of the
fetal body, especially the central nervous system; and another
that appears to function relatively independent of the body...
When it can be separated from its sensations of the body, the
transcendent source appears to be fully mature and
Wade's statement is based upon regression studies that reveal the
existence of verifiable memory and consciousness at least as far
back as conception. What she terms the "transcendent
source" is, I believe, another way of naming the soul.
The evidence of pre-birth communication has deep significance
for parenting. It certainly influenced the way I relate to my own
son and daughter. I feel grateful for their presence in my life,
and reassured that at the soul level they know what they're doing
here. When my daughter was a baby, I remember feeling that even
though she was in a small body and needed my protection, her true
being was as old as myself and quite possibly wiser. With this
perspective, it was natural to let her take the lead in showing me
what she needed, from her newborn days right on up through the
growing years. Have you glimpsed your unborn child's face in a
dream, or felt a loving presence, or had a sudden flash of knowing
something about your baby-to-be? If you're pregnant now, or hope
to be pregnant soon, keep your inner eyes and ears open - someone
may be trying to get in touch.