||Parenting Advice Column
||Subject: Is family co-sleeping an excuse
for avoiding sex?
I've read that co-sleeping with children
can be a excuse for women who don't want to share a sexual life with
their husbands. I don't know if you have something written about that. I
haven't read all your parent advice column yet - but was very touched by
some things I read there.
If there is a desire to avoid sex
(whether related to "new parent fatigue" or unresolved anger
and poor communication between partners), that will be expressed
regardless of where the children sleep. If both partners have a healthy
sexual relationship, "where there is a will there is a way", and
it need not be in front of the children. Many parents simply move to
another room for sexual relations, after the children are asleep. If it
is not a healthy relationship, there will be avoidance - even if there
are no children at all! The critical factor is the quality of the
relationship, not the location of sleeping children. Co-sleeping has so
many benefits for the physical and emotional well-being of the whole
family that it would be sad and very unfortunate if sex avoidance is
used as an argument against it.
There are comments from parents on this
subject at the Family Bed FAQ, and there are good discussions of it in the books Nighttime
Parenting by Dr. William Sears and The Family Bed by Tine
Thevenin. Tine has two articles on our site,
Oversight of Our Culture"
and "Need vs. Habit".